The Great Cornholio

Beavis and Butthead walking to Stewart's house

Beavis: Hey! Butthead. How come we're going to Stewart's house?
Butt-Head: 'cuz I heard he's got diarrhea.
Beavis: Oh. Yeah. heh heh.
Stewart's Mom: Thank you boys for bringing Stewart's homework to school for him.
He's sooo sick. He spent all night in the bathroom.
Butt-Head: Really? Diarrhea?
Stewart's Mom: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Beavis and Butt-Head: heh heh ..... heh heh
(Beavis imitates the squirts)
Stewart's Mom: Now booooooys.... come on.
Say, have you boys eaten breakfast?
Butt-Head: Uuuuuh....
Beavis: Ummmmmmmmmm, I think I did once.
Stewart's Mom: Well, you can't go to school on an empty stomach. Heeeeere.
I made some breakfast burritos for Stewart.
He's not feeling well enough to eat.
Butt-Head: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool
Stewart's Mom: You boys eat up. I'm going to check on Stewart.
He probably needs more "T.P."
Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis. Ya think she's gonna put a thermometer up his butt?
Beavis: Yeah! And then she's gonna put it in his mouth!!
Beavis and Butt-Head: heh heh .... heh heh
(EATING BURRITOS)
Beavis and Butt-Head: YEAAAAAAAAAACH! OOOOOOOOOAAH!! GAAAAAG!!
Butt-Head: What the hell is this crap? ptui This isn't a burrito!
Beavis: Yeah. I got eggs in mine! She tricked us!
Butt-Head: No wonder Stewart's got diarrhea.
Beavis: Yeah. heh heh..... Let's see what else they have.

RANSACKING THE KITCHEN

Butt-Head: This sucks! There's nothing good here.

BEAVIS FINDS THE SUGAR MOTHER LODE

Butt-Head: Hey! Buttmunch.... give me some....
Beavis: No way, punk!
(SUGAR SPAZ ATTACK)
Butt-Head: Settle down, Beavis..... pretty cool.

END of first segment. CUT TO MUSIC VIDEO

(SAUSAGE VIDEO)

Butt-Head: What the hell is this?
Butt-Head: SEMINIFRIOUS TUBLOIDIAL BUTTENOIDS. These guys like crawl up
into peoples butts and go like exploring.
Beavis: Oh.... yeah! They go neeeeya noryaaaaaaaa neeyaaaa...
Butthead.... What are those lights for?
Butt-Head: That's so like they can see when they're crawling
around inside your butt.
Beavis: No way! You mean it's dark in your butt?
Butt-Head: Yeah! You know, then they say "stick it where the sun
don't shine.
Beavis: Ummmmmm Hmmmmmm....
Butt-Head: They're talking about your butt!
Beavis: Ohhhhhhhhh. I thought it meant.... like... under your pillow
or something.... but like, ummmmm, if it's dark inside
your butt... then... like... how do the
terds find their way out?
Butt-Head: Uhhhhhh... I think they can like see in the dark like bats
Beavis: Ooooooh... yeaaaah. That makes a lotta sense. Yeah. Hey.
Butthead. We should like go see these
guys in concert.
Butt-Head: Yeah. Ladies and Gentlemen.... the Seminifrious
Tubnoidial Buttenoids....
Beavis: Semm...initrious Tulll..uboilial Buttenoids have
left your pants..

 

VAN DRIESSEN'S CLASSROOM

(BEAVIS HAVING A SUPER SUGAR FIT)


Van Driessen: It's ironic that we in this country who cherish freedom
occasionally support governments who are less
responsive to human rights. We're very fortunate.....
(FADE OUT)....
Butt-Head: What's your problem Beavis? Settle down.
Van Driessen: ...the struggle for freedom is by no means over. It still
goes on today in places like....
Nicaragua... El Salavdor... and Panama.
Beavis: (shirt over head)
NIC..AR..A..GUA. Agua....Agua for my bunghole...
bunnnghooooole!
Van Driessen: Beavis! Please sit down...
Beavis: Are you threatening me? I AM CORNHOLIO!
Van Driessen: Come on Beavis. Take your seat... Now, technically America
is not a democracy but a republic....
Beavis: to female classmate ...you have T.P.?
T.P. for my bunghole?
Girl: Get out of here Beavis.
Beavis: Ummmmmmm. Okay. Heh heh ... heh heh...
WALKS OUT OF CLASS
I AM CORNHOLIO. I need T.P. for my bunghooooole.
Bunghoooole!
Van Driessen: Uh... Beavis... where are you going?......
Where did Beavis go?
Butt-Head: Heh heh ... heh heh... that was cooooool.
Heh heh ..


 

END of second segment. CUT TO MUSIC VIDEO (not shown here)


Beavis: (HALLWAY)
Bunnnnnghooooole.... heh heh!!
(TO JANITOR)
I AM CORNHOLIO! I need T.P. for my bunghole. heh..heh..yeah ....
heh heh... Hey! Would you like to seeeeee my bunghole?
heh heh heh...
Van Driessen: Butthead... where did Beavis go?
Butt-Head: Uhhh... I dunno...
Van Driessen: Is Beavis having some kind of a problem I should know about?
Butt-Head: Uhhhh... he ate like 27 candy bars and then like drank
a 6-pack of root beer!
Van Driessen: Hmmmmm.... that's strange. I just read about a study that
says sugar isn't supposed to cause hyperactivity.
Beavis: (GIRLS RESTROOM)
Heh heh.... heh ... ahhhhhhh.... heh heh heh..yeah!
This'll be cool...
(ENTERS BATHROOM)
I AM CORNHOLIO!!! Whoa... that was cool heh heh..
I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!! heh heh
COME OUT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN!!
(looks under stalls)
Oh... yeah. Uhhh nevermind.



(CUT TO SPANISH CLASS)

Beavis: Nicaragua.... arriba.... andelay.... I AM CORNHOLIO!!
I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!
Spanish Teacher: Senor Beavis! Donde esta tu hallpass?
Beavis: Are you threatening me? You will give my T.P. .. bungholio!
Spanish Teacher: Beavis... just what in the hell do you think you are doing?
Beavis: DO NOT MAKE MY BUNGHOLE ANGRY! Do you have any oleo?
Spanish Teacher: Get the hell outa my class and go straight to the
principal's office. NOW!
Beavis: Ummmmmmm.... okay. THE PRINCIPAL.... he will give me T.P.!
heh heh I would hate for my bungholio to get polio...
Where I come from we have no bunghole...
heh heh heh heh
Spanish Teacher: "Ahhh, las luces aprendidas, pero nadie en casa....."
The lights are on, but nobody's home....



(CUT TO VIDEO)

Beavis: (SINGING TO VIDEO)
Butt-Head: That sucked Beavis!
Beavis: Welllll.... at least I tried. You just sit there on your
ass and make me do all the work!

(singers in video wearing red flower pots for hats...)

Butt-Head: Yeah. Hey... check out those hats...
Beavis: Yeah. Those're cool. You can stack one inside the other
and you can have like all different colors,
you know. Its like you can wear one one day and another the
other day and like put 'em on your head y'know? And they can
like protect you from like harmful rays...
Butt-Head: Beavis... you're a damn wierdo!
Beavis: Shut up Butthead. I'm not from here, you know!


(CUT TO PRINCIPAL MCVICKER'S OFFICE)

McVicker: Uhhhh... look! I don't know what your problem is...
but I simply cannot have students wandering
the hallways during class, interrupting other classes and giving
prophesies of a great plague .
Beavis: Oh... yeah. Sorry 'bout that.
McVicker: Wait! What was that? Did you just say you were sorry?
Beavis: Ummmmmmmmm..... ummmmmmmmm
McVicker: You see! I knew it. You kids have never apologized to me once!
Maybe this is a new day for you.
Maybe punishment isn't the answer ! I'm gonna let you go.
Ya know... I'm actually proud of you today. Take some candy with
you.... (BEAVIS LEAVES)
Secretary: Now, you're going right back to class, right Beavis?
Beavis: Yeah... uhhhhh... no. NO! I must get T.P. for my bunghole!
pulls shirt over head I am the great Cornholio!!! heh heh .... heh heh
Secretary: Do you need a hall pass?
Beavis: Are you threatening me? heh heh... yeah! I need no hallpass. (LEAVES)
I heed holio for my bunghole! WANDERING THE HALLS, sappy music
I am the great Cornholio! I have no bunghole! BUNGHOLEEEEEOOOOO!
I need T.P. for my bunghole! We are without bungholes!

Return To Text Selection

This site was created by Teaspoon <ibo@bnb.niagara.nu> and kisse <kitty@bnb.ni

agara.nu>. This site and the creators are not related to MTV in any possible way, nor do they intend to become either. Linking directly to
files and/or pages, except the title page is prohibited without written permission from the creators. There is no use trying
since it won't work! All materials are copyrighted by respective author.